Okay so you read the title and thought “What the heck!”- or something harsher. But think about it, you are who you are because you are broken. The events in your life happened for a reason. They weren’t random acts and they were not bad luck or messed up karma. These events were a part of the grand design that God, Jehovah, Allah, Ha Shim, or whatever higher power you believe in has for your life. These things happened so that you can tell your story and so you can help others with it. Believe me, I am writing and living this so I know. When I first began to understand and realize that the events in my life were predestined, I was angry. Pissed off. And in the end I realized that these things happened so I can share with someone else what happened to me and that’s how I went from anger to acceptance. When all is said and done you have to accept what happened because you can’t change the past. And you most definitely should not blame yourself. Today I still have trouble believing that I was not at fault. But also I took at look at myself back then. I was a little girl who was unloved by the people around her. My mother was very young when she had me and until I was eight I didn’t even know I had a father, much less one who could say he loved me. I wasn’t paid attention to. I ate I had shelter and clothes but no love. I don’t know if you remember, but a long time ago an experiment was done on two babies, one was given love and affection as well as food and clothing, while the other baby just got fed and clothed. That baby was given no affection. The baby who was given affection thrived better than the other. Lets just say the second baby was me. The one person who did love me wasn’t around much. She was the one I always dreamed about being with because the people around me didn’t treat me like I was theirs. You know the expression”treat me like a red-headed stepchild?” well again that was me. So if you think about it I was a prime target for someone, hell anyone to take advantage of. And I was used and abused just like all of you. So when you look at the totality of the circumstances, it wasn’t my fault. My heart knows that, but my brain is telling me something different. Sometimes you have to tell your brain to shut the hell up! So what you are probably wondering is “Am I grateful?” The answer is I am obliged that those things made me strong enough to deal with the things that come my way. I am grateful that I have a relationship with my mother, I am glad that I don’t have to relive those things that happened to me if i don’t choose to. I am appreciative that the events that shattered my life will help someone else who is in my same position. That’s what I am thankful for. I am also thankful for being able to write this blog, even though it may not sound professional or pretty, it is real and to me that’s what counts. And I am supremely glad to wake up every day and to keep on pushing even though I may not feel like it or I just want to sleep my life away. You, my friends have to get to the place where you are grateful and you will be one step closer to being healed and not broken. You have to get to the place where you can look in the mirror and like what you see and who you are. There are times in my life where I’ve felt that nothing about this life is good, that everyday is dark and dim and i didn’t even want to live. I can say that i have made some progress but I and we have got far to go.